my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't turn off my feet"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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