Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
