Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
