If i come over, it means nothing
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
