The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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