I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
