are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
