Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
