idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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