I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
