ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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