My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
