There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
