That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do vagina's smell?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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