Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
