I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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