well you can't waste a boner
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
