Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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