just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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