So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
