Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
