Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
