Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm determined to sit on that face.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
