ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
