hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
