you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
How external is "for external use only"?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
