It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
