Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
