I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We need to get me chipped asap
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
