I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
