Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
