Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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