Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
