just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
