pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
