i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
