Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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