There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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