It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
