I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
