sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
