I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
