I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
