you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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