So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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