this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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