I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
