last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
