Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
