Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
