For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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