dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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