You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
