Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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