That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
