Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
