Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
bring money and cleavage
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
