apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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