make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
