im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
