just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
