There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
